I started back at work in mid-November. I took the full allowed twelve weeks of maternity leave, but didn't realize how fast it was going to fly by. Before I knew it - my return date was upon me.
It wasn't a hard decision to go back. No, of course I don't want to be working, but you do what you have to. It's not a horrible transition tho because I'm working only three days a week (sometimes four). I just finished my fourth week back and each week has been easier. Easier to let go, easier to pack the neccessities for an afternoon away (Gabrielle's bottles, my own lunch, my purse, her diaper bag and my breast pump), easier to get out of the house in general. Work itself is nothing fancy - it's just work. It's not much different than when I left. My boss, who was also on maternity leave - her daughter was born one week after Gabby - returned on the same day so it left all of us a little frazzled that first week. My hardest day was that first one.
It was a long day. J went to work that morning before me and I had to drop G off at my in-law's house before going to work myself at 2p. After getting off at 7p, I headed home to change clothes because we were going to J's grandmother's to celebrate her birthday with the rest of the family. G was still with my mother-in-law and father-in-law. I was dying to get home, change, and get to her. After spending all evening there, we finally headed home. It was then, in the car ride home, that I broke down. All I could think was: you mean I have to do this all over again tomorrow? I have to pack her up and leave her again?
I know it's just as hard for a formula feeding mom to leave her child when she returns to work, but I feel like breastfeeding moms just may find it a little harder - at least from their perspective. Or rather, mine. For three months I was her sole source of nourishment. I spent every day with her. I know her ins and outs and how to calm her. Not that no one else wont know these things, or wont learn them if they don't already. But it's still scary to think about your baby with anyone else, when you're stuck in another place and you can't be there to help in an instant. It's a hard pill to swallow - to learn it's time to let go, even if it's only for a little bit each day.
But, I am happy to say that I am adjusting well now. Sure, we're four weeks in, but I'm figuring it out. I still wish I was home with her every day, but it's not so bad to go to work now. It gets me out of the house - and instead of spending money, I'm making it. haha. Keep in mind tho, that I don't go to work during the week until 2p. I cannot imagine how people work morning shifts... I don't know if I could do it at this stage. Tomorrow, actually, I have to be at work for 8a (I work two Saturdays a month and those are generally early days). It's my first early day for work and I'm already freaking about how I'm going to pull it off. We'll see how this goes...
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