Food

My days revolve around it. At least that's how I feel lately. What to eat, when to eat, how to eat, where to eat, why am I eating...?

It's frustrating to say the least. Especially for a person like myself who dislikes food in general. OK, that's a bit of a lie - I love food... but I'm picky, and easily "grossed-out." I don't like variety. So, now, knowing that I need to keep my diet healthier, more complete, it's suddenly a huge struggle. Foods I used to like, are unappealing and I fear even bringing them close enough to smell. I crave salt - chips, cheese, meat - when life before was centered on wheat bread and fresh salads and, of course, chocolate. I drink milk like it's no one's business (I did before... but this is rediculous) and somehow water is now hard to stomach. How can I go from drinking some 90 ounces of water per day to having to force a measly 20 ounces down my throat (and then suffering with an upset stomach afterwards... ugh).

The eating itself is hard. I understand I need to up my calories, I get that, but I am a person who eats breakfast, lunch, dinner and that's it. Or at least I used oto be. Three meals, I like it that way. But now I can't eat more than a handfull of food at a time without suffering, and then I'm starving an hour and a half later. And when I say starving, I'm talking like I'm-gonna-kill-someone-if-I-don't-get-food-now kind of starving. Shaky and and queasy and shove-anything-in-my-mouth kind of hungry. I have never felt that way. In all my years of dieting and not being able to eat on the job, I've gotten used to just ignoring general hunger and pushing it off until I have the time to find something I want to eat and enjoy it. This ravenous hunger is all very foreign to me.

And it sneaks up on me. It never builds up. I never think, "Oh I could go for a snack right now," or "I have an empty stomach so I'll be hungry in about 30 minutes." No, it's always so sudden. It just hits me. I have to carry food with me at all times: granola bars, apples, pop-tarts, grapes, anything.

I'm only in the first trimester and already I'm just so tired of eating all the time. I understand it gets worse. Maybe next month I'll at least be able to eat more at each sitting.